Here is the lastest edition (and some of you will wish last) of Discombobulation : The #Glorious Return!!! I give you wacky headlines you wish you could read on the dirtsheets, cause they are more true than some would like to admit. Here we go!
MARINE BIOLOGIST DIES AFTER LEASING WWE HIS SHARK CAGE
The science world is mourning the passing of noted marine biologist George Costanza who was eaten alive by a great white shark off the coast of Florida. Costanza had leased his protective cage to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).He reluctantly rented his cage to the WWE because as he said "the price was right and Mr. McMahon was very persuasive!" The late seafarer's company Vandelay Industries is considering legal options for gross indifference by the publicly traded wrestling organization. An inside source quoted WWE superstar Chris Jericho as calling the late marine biologist a "stupid idiot" for going in to shark infested waters without the cage.
WWE SHOCKS THE UNIVERSE BY RELEASING HALF ITS ROSTER
To kick off 2017 Triple H and Stephanie McMahon completed a hostile takeover of WWE. They first shook up the WWE by releasing almost half its roster. WWE made a public statement that "enough is enough and it's time for a change. We would like to wish our former talent, Shane McMahon and especially Vincent K McMahon well in their future endeavors." Along with the releases of VKM's favorites the biggest shocker was Roman Reigns! The Autoritah immediately had a press conference and stood with his new acquisitions : KENNY OMEGA! BROTHER NERO AND BROKEN MATT! THE YOUNG BUCKS! COLT CABANA! EVERYONE AND ANYONE EVER ASSOCIATED WITH THE BULLET CLUB! Steph pushed the Board to unloose the purse strings and bought out contracts from New Japan, ROH and more;and the rights to The Bullet Club. When Gallows & Anderson met up with The Bullet Club in the ring the arena exploded. AJ Styles and Finn Balor even made unexpected appearances. The Hardyz drove in with New Day on a horse and wagon to interrupt. This led to the first match of The Bullet Club Era - Broken Matt vs Tama Tonga in a Control-Alt-Delete Street Fight. It was just TOO SWEET!
MORE ANNOUNCERS ADDED TO THE SMACKDOWN LIVE ANNOUNCE BOOTH
Things are going so well with the 4-man booth that Vince McMahon has expanded it to 7! Joining Smackdown Live's announce team of JBL and ..... and ... whoever are somebody, somebody and ... Booker T. When former Smackdown announcer Joey Styles read the news online he reacted with a trademark "OH MY GAWD!"
PAUL HEYMAN FINALLY GETS A NEW CELLPHONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Love him or hate him everyone knows that the Advocate to Barroockkk Lesnar has a cellphone as big as a brick and as old as David Lee Roth's herpes. The gang at WWE chipped in and got Paul Heyman a brand new Galaxy Note 7 specially shipped from Korea. "Happy Hanukah Paul and let's hope you start 2017 off with a bang!" was written on the card :-)
Credit : kayfabenews.com